Ever since Ponce de Leon's 1513 Florida Fountain of Youth scheme, Americans have tried to capitalize on immortality.
Today, with 73 million yuppies on the cusp of lifetus-interruptus some have turned their newly lazered eyes toward Günter Von Hagen's Institute of Plastinazation, where he makes the dead lifeful.peiicure
The Plastinates world museum tour has attracted 20 million visitors.pedivure As a result nearly 10,000 still animated folk have staked their infinities in Günter's Dead Club Med opting to spend eternity as Plastinates fawned over by museum-goers, rather than be deep-sixed or cryongenetically-frozen like a Klondike Bar.pediure Here's Günter's process.
Bodies are 70% fluids, so first there's an injection of quick evaporating acetone. Sounds like a manicure already, doesn't it? Then, through the magic of polymer chemistry the formerly lifeful are vacuum-force impregnated with silicon rubber. Then they're artistically displayed in a personification of their essential meme: a contemplative chess-player, an ethereal ballerina, a skateboarder, an equestrienne. Think of it like a super-amplification of Botox and implants, except with permanent results and for less than the sticker price of a used Volvo.medinah
Imagine as a Plastinate kicking it with plutocrats at a star-studded society-do at the Upper East Side MOMA's Temple of Dendur. The 15 B.C. temple is dedicated to Goddess Isis that other uber-reinvigorator of the dead. If you weren't part of the power crowd while lifeful--here's your second chance.pediuure
I can see myself now at the MOMA event. Chandeliers and champagne sparkle. Grateful Dead music is piped-in. In my tres chic white Egyptian gown I envision these events replicated in deluxe capital city museums across the globe after I successfully pitch super-brand immortality to Silcon Valley venture capitalists. It'd make a killing. Ponce de Leon would be proud.pediicure
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